Saturday, January 13, 2007

Tired of Everything

So its been a while since I have last posted on here. Well things have been really wishy washy this last week and I don't really know where to start.
One thing I can say for sure is that I really am sick of all the mundane stuff of everyday life. I am tired of just living day to day. I Want More! I am tired of sitting around and waiting for someone to call, or message me. I am tired of trying to write or call them and not get a response. I am just tired! There is nothing more that I can do. I have exhausted myself trying to do everything I wanted to do and only to get nowhere.

Tired Ramblings that never made it from Draft stages...HAHAHA

Thursday, January 04, 2007

For my family

This post is going to be just for my family members that are afar. I wish that I really could see you guys more often and be able to tell you things like this in person. For the time being though I will have to settle for my blog.

I am very happy where I am at here in Utah and with my life so far. Things can be rough at times, as it is with anyone. You live and learn as I have learned from all of my family. Mistakes are made to be learned from, not to be regretted in the future. This is one thing I can deal with now.

Probably the most important thing that I want you to know about me I will say a little bit later. You should know though that I am very happy with who i am and I don't doubt for a moment of who I am or what I can become. I am proud of my family down here and accepting me for who I am, without any judgment. They love me no matter what. I know you will too. I have become a great man throughout my life and no doubt I will continue to grow and become even better. I felt throughout most my childhood that I was a failure and I was different from others that I knew and grew up with. I now realize that Yes I am different, but I am not a failure.
I am proud of myself. I am Gay, this is not something that I choose, but something i learned about myself over the years. When I was just young I happened to be confused because I didn't know what was different about me. But I knew back towards the beginning of college, I knew that I was gay a long time, but didn't tell anyone. I didn't even tell Mom until I was 23. And since there was a blurb about me during the last time I was there, I needed to just come out to the rest of the the family. I don't want to hide who i really am anymore. I just want to be myself.

I love you all so much. I am still that same Jason that you have always known, except you know a little more about me now. You all wanted to be more a part of my life, so now you can. This is me, no more, no less.

Bout time

This is the one...The mother load. I will be blogging for the last time from work tonight as a graveyard night auditor. Thank god for the small things. This day could not have come fast enough. To tell the truth though, I was hesitant at even coming in tonight the way my manager has been treating me the last week. She has been a real bitch! I would try to tell her about things that went on during the night, only to get the cold shoulder and be ignored. I though Jesus lady, what the hell is your problem! I am glad that I will not be working here anymore, just as well. They had better pay me for every damn hour that I worked though, especially the OT. If they don't I will be so pissed off. And get this, I have to wait until the 12th of Jan to get my final paycheck. How craptacular is that? I don't mean to just vent like this but I have had enough of hotels all together.
I am really excited to be starting my new Omni job on the 9th of Jan.

Well, since I haven't blogged in a while (almost a full week AHHHH!)I should fill in what's been going on. This is going to be a pretty personal and private blog, at private as the internet can be. LOL

I will start of wish Christmas. Christmas was fun with the family. I spent Xmas eve with my grandparents, my aunts and uncles plus quite a few of my cousins. We played some silly games and we all had some great laughs. My aunt Becky and me just started laughing so hard during one game that we couldn't control ourselves and started laughing more, then crying, then laughing. We had tears running down our cheeks cuz we laughed so hard. The great part, we didn't know what we were laughing at to begin with, which in turn got us going again.

The few days in between Xmas and New Years Eve were just Ho Hum. I didn't do much except work and sleep. Talked with some friends up in SLC and had a good time chatting with them.

Now for the best part of the holidays for me. Remember in a previous post where I mentioned that Santa Claus came early for me. I do believe he really delivered this year. I haven't felt quite like this before and I don't really know how to explain this feeling I am having for him. I know I like him, that is for sure. I believe he likes me too, this I am looked at his body language for. Ever since I have met him, I can not stop thinking about him. I find myself daydreaming almost all the time. I am trying real hard to not rush into anything and be a little hard to get, so that excitement is kept up between us, but I am finding this to be very VERY difficult. I like him that much!
New Years Eve. We had proposed plans to spend the day together IF his other plans fell through. Well his other plans DID fall through. He told me that he didn't want to go and deal with all the drama that all his other friends create. We planned on going to see "The Holiday" and maybe grab a bite, then come back to my place to spend quality time.
I had some problems getting my payroll check cashed over the long weekend and I texted him telling him that I couldn't get into my cash so we might need to reschedule the evening.
BTW I DID NOT WANT TO DO THAT AT ALL! IT WAS NEW YEARS FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!
I hurried to text him back with alternative plans for him to just come over to my place instead to watch "Adam & Steve" and also watch the Dick Clark Rockin' New Years. so he came over about 11ish or so and we just chatted for a bit. I had a nice Cherry Vodka cocktail, I was extremely nervous, while we chatted. Finally the ball dropped and we counted it off. Well I wasn't expecting anything, and then WOW!! He swooped in an kissed me. I was so in shock that I was speechless. I couldn't contain myself and went back and kissed him.
You know when people say they have firework when they kiss someone. Well that happened that night. Fireworks...Lots of them.

I am hoping for the best in this and I really want him to know that I like him. I just need to be a little coy and excite the relationship. :)

Yes anyways, that was my little blab on the holidays for the year and I hope all had a great one as well.