Saturday, May 31, 2008

Just another copy....

So I sit here on my computer contemplating what could be and what has been. Yet my mind wonders with every thought of you. Like a magic carpet ride where the destination is unknown. Soaring high above in the clouds with my feet firmly planted on the ground. The mind and body are detached. I know what I want and am not afraid to make the step towards that direction. Yet I sit here and let the events slowly unfold before me. Take it slow. Again I know what I want, but does he agree? So self conscience about the feelings of others and what they will think. There's a special place deep inside of me yearning to be filled and is slowly filling up. Can it possibly be completely filled, god I would hope so.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Multipost Day!

I almost forgot to mention in all my errand running and shanagins today that there is a Pride Event coming up on June 6th and 7th in the Downtown section by the Library.

also coming up is the Southern Utah Pride near Zion National Park! YAY! I am so excited for this one... since this happens only 15 minutes from where I live. ^_^


Southern Utah Pride 2008

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Yes I designs both of those too... heheh not to toot my own horn

Early writings of Jason


Beautiful

Jason Wallace

Flowing water, Rapid
Blowing wind, gentle
Flowers - swaying, scented
Delicate clouds, soft
Main street asphalt, Rough
Steel structure, smooth
Snow capped mountains, breathtaking
mirrored lake, awe-inspiring
The boy I love, Gorgeous
Me, beautiful

Boy
Jason Wallace

Island in the desert, on oasis of life
the boy I see so innocent and eager
the man I love is so close yet so far away
Reach out and touch him -
my arms extend to eternity
The boy I dream of is perfect in every way
Eyes that my soul can never find a way out
Hair like the spiked rays o the sun
A body that will hold me and make me feel secure
yet hands so gentle
Caring and sweet, yet strong against adversity
for diversity -
This is the man I love -
Right next to me.


Dew

Jason Wallace

The morning has come, its cold and icy
The cold sends chills straight to my bones
Beep, Beep, Beep.
The alarm squeals through the dark
Wakes me from a fabulous dream.
Groggy, limp, not thinking about the day ahead
Laying on the floor, stretch out, limbering up
Jump in the shower; Wet, hot, steamy
Starting to comprehend the day - thinking
not long now and I face the day - head on
trying to dress myself - one leg at a time
my ride shows up - “Damn I’m late”
Grab a quick bite - “Damn still cold”
I hate this morning, will it change?
Hopefully not, it is going to be a great day!


God . . .

Jason Wallace

Dear God - are you even there?
Tell me what I am supposed to do
I do one thing, life goes the other way
Just don’t want to play catch up anymore.
Do you even exist?
Experiences tell me no, I haven’t lost faith - yet
Try to do good for everyone
Turn around and get shit on
This is where Zig never meets Zag
What is there to life?
I don’t know anymore -
I’m sick of being alone in life
nothing to hold onto
let it all go? - - - No!
There’s got to be something more
Dear God, if your there -
Hear my plea!
Don’t leave me stranded
Footprints in the sand - mine not His
Are walking in this wonderful place
Alone -



Life as a Cat
For my best friend Rachel

Jason Wallace

Dip your paws into a bowl of water
Smooth down the fur on your face
Close your eyes -
Stretch out on your side
Gather the warm rays of sunlight,
streaming through the enormous living room windows
Sprawl out on something comfortable
Noises - coming from the other room
Eyes wide open -
Ears perched -
Stealthily move towards the wall
Peek around the corner -
Nothing is there, no one is home
Noises again! Behind the table
Quietly spring atop the table
Listen intently -
Peer over the edge, unnoticed
Pounce! Claws extended, rolling around
It’s play time because no one is home!



Movement

Jason Wallace

Flying high in the sky at morning break
The sun peers over the Snowcapped Mountains
A gentle breeze spawns from the South
Dip and dive through the air
Take me away on the breeze
Don’t care where -
The freedom to fly where ever I choose
Flocks awake to join the ballet in the sky
Weave left
Jut downwards
Climb as high as you can, break right
Spiral downward towards the earth
The flock is following - streaks above
Small fields in the distance
Find a spot before all is lost
Spread open my wings, feet out stretched
Grab hold of a nearby branch
The Flock is following - a blanket settling
The sun sets across the field
All is calm, for we do this again tomorrow.




Saturday

Jason Wallace

The boy of my dreams came to me last night
Whispered softly into my ear
The night was late -
Was a nice party for a change.
Chaos amid the encounters happening elsewhere
My mind was adrift out in the universe
Drifting silently -
Something brought me back to reality
fingers intertwining with mine
and arm sliding across the waist -
Am I dreaming?
Look down to see if it was in my mind
The sweetest smile looking back at me
Other arm slides behind the back -
A kiss on the cheek
Sexy -
Slide of hand, Twist of fate
We end up together for the rest of the night.



Time

Jason Wallace

Time is a free flowing inconceivable part of my mind
How fast is goes -
Time can pass by so fast in a blink of an eye
Blink - you’ll miss something
Time can creep along at a snails pace
Seems it will never end
Looking back twenty three years ago
new life was conceived
Looking forward ten years from now
Too far ahead to comprehend
Where am I now? Where should I be?
Don’t really know, Don’t really care.
Blink - - what have I missed?
Close your eyes and dream
Just let time slip away.




Untitled

Jason Wallace

Eight ball corner pocket - Don’t screw up
Red, Blue, Purple, yellow, green, and orange
Five fingers entwined and addicted to mine
four arms entangled together
3 wishes granted -
two of a kind
Lovers - - together forever



Photo's With Sierra

Just going to put up a few pictures of the last outing with my friend Sierra and myself. She wanted to get some new shots for her myspace and me being the way I am, told her HELL YA! ^_^

Just to keep this shorter and not forever long, I will post my favorites up and then post the link to the album on PhotoBucket.Com

Please enjoy and if you like them, share your love in a comment.

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Thank you,
Jason


Depression

Are we feeling recharged and energized today? Yes and No. The most common answer thats in definitive. Yes you want to go out and do something active, but you tell yourself that you need another hours rest or a nap. You talk yourself out of doing anything active and yet you just sit around and be lazy. Sound Familiar?

Today I am just writing some various thoughts come to my head and we will be jumping around all over the place. This should make this post somewhat exciting over the rest. ^_^

As described in my first paragraph, I have suffered through this stage many times and have come to the conclusion for the answer. Depression. Well What is Depression? Basically a chemical imbalance in your body and/or brain. Depression can be very destructive for your well being and also people around you. Not only does it affect you, but also people that care about you.

There are times when you might think the world and everyone in it is against you. You become irritated, judgmental, mean, angry, more tired than usual and have no energy. Depression is overpowering at times and can seem your in a hole that you can't get out of. Don't fear, there is help!

There are many ways that you can seek help and assistance with combating depression. The first, which has always been my life saver, is friends and family. They give you support and direction plus also the love that you so desperately need in a time like these. The second is a Therapist. I've only experienced a small portion with one, but what I've experienced has been alright. As weird as this may come across, sometimes putting things out before a stranger can take a load off your back.
The third is Medications. Personally I've traveled this path with high expectations and not good results. If this is the path you seek then I HIGHLY recommend talking with you doctor and asking LOTS of questions. The drugs can be wonderful and make the world seem right, but inside your body and mind, they are reeking havoc. On so many of the med's that are out there for depression I keep finding a common denominator for them, or a side effect if you will. "Taking this Perscription may cause more depression or you to have strong thoughts of suicide." I'm sorry if that is a side effect, i'd rather deal with this on my own with out drugs to amplify those thoughts!

So in conclusion on this blog today. This was mostly for depression, which I've recently just came out of and hope to not get back into.

If you have any thoughts/suggestions or questions. Please do not hesitate to ask for help from wherever you can find it.


Its Been A While

Wow, almost one long year since I have last even logged into my companion, my faithful listener, My confidant.
I must say in the past year many things have happened, but for the sake of putting everything into just one blog, I plan on separating it out an making a mini series. I will say for right now, that I am tired and it is very late. I will Blog tomorrow night. I just needed to put something in here to remind myself that I still existed and so did this blog. ^_^

Goodnight for now.