Monday, December 25, 2006

Holiday times are here

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Feliz Navidad, or how ever you celebrate this wonderful time of the year. In the end it is all the same. This is a wonderful time of the year for almost everyone. I know it is for me! I do believe that Santa came a little early this year for me and also found me at work. How do I know this, because of a special person that I met tonight. I do believe he knows who he is, but if not then I will not spoil anything. I also will not divulge details at this point except of what I have already. One thing I will mention the great compatibility between Leo's and Sagittarius' an how both fire and free willed individuals might and can have lots of fun together.

I just wanted this to be a short blog this morning telling everyone that I happen to run into on here, Happy Holidays and A wonderful New Year. May all your wishes come true and happiness overcome you and yours.

"...And to all a Goodnight!"

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Holidays, Bad drivers, and fatalities

Well today was a pretty out out of the ordinary day. Today started of pretty normal in the sense I got of work at 7 am and needed to get some tires for my little tracker. I had to wait around town for about an hour for the shop to open up at 8. I went to a few places to get some quotes for tires and then finally decided to get some from Big-O tires. Took about an hour to get two new tires. YAY my car drives much better now though. Anyways, I got home and told my mom that I needed to go and cash my check through my grandmother, since I can't at my bank right now. We were just turning onto the main highway a block away from our house, when out of nowhere, BAM. A head on collision occurred right in front of us. We both had adrenaline running so high, since both of us are EMT certified. Well we were not the first responders so I decided to not stop an get into the accident. My mom immediately got onto our cell and called 911 to make sure the paramedics were on the way. We stopped near-by to assess the accident and came to the conclusion that if we did go to help we would have been putting ourselves in more danger than it was worth. The paramedics were only about 2 minutes out. This was a really bad accident, the first I have witnessed so close and personal. I felt so bad for the families of those involved. Right before Christmas and all. We did find out later though that there were two fatalities in this accident and the cause was one person fell asleep at the wheel, then drifted into oncoming traffic.
I don't want to make a mockery of this but this highway is a very very dangerous one. People are always speeding, doing about 70 or so in a 55-60 zone. Plus all the people that drive while talking on their cellphones. Someday, hopefully soon, they will realize how dangerous this highway is coming into this small community and do something about it.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Brutal Beating

This is too all my friends in Arizona/Phoenix/Chandler/Scottsdale area. There was a savage beating that occurred there in the last few days that the police need your help in. Please if you know anything contact your local authorities with any information that might help them.

Reward Offered In Arizona Gay Attack
by 365Gay.com Newscenter Staff

Posted: December 21, 2006 9:00 pm ET

(Scottsdale, Arizona) An area politician is offering a $10,000 reward for information leading to the arrest of those responsible for the beating of a gay couple as they left a Scottsdale restaurant on Sunday.

Andrew Frost and Jean Rolland say they were holding hands when the attack took place just feet from the restaurant's front doors. (story)

Frost, 19, needed numerous stitches to close wounds on his head and face. Rolland, 28, suffered bumps and bruises.

Frost said that as he and Rolland exited the restaurant he heard someone yell "fag". He said he turned and saw two men. Frost said that he replied to the slur and one of the men punched him. He said that at least five others rushed from the restaurant and joined the attack.

The attackers left before police arrived on the scene. Police have interviewed staff at the restaurant but no one saw anything.

Investigators said that if the assailants are caught they could face hate crime charges. Arizona includes sexuality under its hate crime law.

Councilman Brian Cooney of nearby Paradise Valley is offering the reward out of his own money. Scottsdale and Paradise Valley are part of the Greater Pho0enix area.

Cooney said he hopes area businesses join him and add to the reward.

"Scottsdale's businesses and tourism are welcome to everyone except for violent thugs," Cooney said in announcing the reward.

Holiday Wishes

Wow...I guess I got a little carried away with the holiday season. I totally forgot to blog for what, 5 days almost 6! I have been known to get all sorts of ADD this time of the yea.... ohhhh Shiny thing in the corner.... *scampers away to see what it is*... Oh yeah I was blogging. HAHAHA

I have been trying to get everything I need for the end of this year and to start off the new year right. So far things are looking a little bleak, but now I am pretty happy and can see things working out well.

I'm trying to get some new tires for my little Geo Tracker.. Hey don't laugh! Bubbles is a good little SUV. The tires I have on her now are so bald. They make Mr. Clean look like a spokesman for Rogaine commercials.
Also I am working on getting my license all squared away. I've got a few tickets that need to be payed for... Yada Yada Yada about that though. I will try to catch up a little later... Im at work right now and need to work on getting things done this morning.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

We have made a step forward in NJ

This article made me very excited last night. NJ has passed Civil union bill this last week. This allows most benefits to be granted to same sex couples. This won't allow all the same benefits of marriage, but it is a small step for the GLBT community! Now I wish only that the law and bills would be moved out west to allow where I am at, so I don't need to fly 3000+ miles to be able to have a civil union. Here is the article from 365gay.com.


Despite Court Ruling NJ Civil Unions Won't Provide All the Benefits Of Marriage


by The Associated Press

Posted: December 17, 2006 12:01 am ET


(Trenton, New Jersey) With New Jersey on the verge of civil unions for same-sex couples, Rick Connolly called his insurance company to see if he could add his partner of 23 years to his homeowner's policy.

His partner could be added, Connolly was told, but not the same way as a spouse. The difference: If Connolly died, his partner would not be able to keep the policy.

The response is example of the confusion and frustration that might be in store for any gay couples who expect civil unions in New Jersey will give them the same rights as married couples.

"This is the first time in my life I've felt like going to a politician and saying, 'What's going on here?"' said Connolly, 63, of East Hanover, a former Army officer who is now retired from a career in the telephone industry.

The state Legislature, under pressure from New Jersey's highest court to offer marriage or its equivalent to gay couples, approved the civil unions bill Thursday. Gov. Jon S. Corzine has said he anticipates signing it, but has not said when.

For gay and lesbian couples, civil unions represent an upgrade from the domestic partnerships that the state has offered since 2004. Instead of getting a handful of benefits, the couples would be entitled to all the rights, privileges and responsibilities of marriage that the state can confer.

Many of those rights come into play only in emergencies or major life changes. Among them are adoption rights, inheritance rights, hospital visitation, medical decision-making rights, alimony rights and the right not to testify against a partner in court.

But there are areas where the state does not have control.

Gay couples in New Jersey will not be married, or entitled to the same benefits, in the eyes of the federal government because of 1996 federal law that defines marriage as being between a man and a woman.

Stephen Hyland, a Princeton lawyer who published a legal guide to New Jersey's domestic partnership, said federal taxes would be complicated for gay couples in New Jersey.

They won't be able to file their federal returns jointly. But to file jointly on their state tax forms, they will still need to fill out the joint federal forms and send them to New Jersey, Hyland said.

Also, the civil unions bill requires companies that offer health insurance to spouses of their employees also offer it to civil union partners of workers. But for the civil union partner, unlike a spouse, those benefits would have to be reported as income to the IRS and would be subject to taxes, Hyland said.

Surviving partners won't be able to collect deceased partners' Social Security benefits and may not be able to collect their pensions, which fall under federal regulation, said Felice T. Londa, an Elizabeth-based family lawyer who represents many same-sex couples.

There's another major tax issue regarding breakups of the relationships. Under federal law, alimony is not taxed.

But support paid from one partner to another when civil unions are dissolved would likely be subject to federal gift taxes, said Daniel Serviss, a Woodbridge-based matrimonial lawyer.
Additionally, the couples in civil unions won't necessarily have those unions recognized when they travel in states outside of New Jersey.

David S. Buckel, a Lambda Legal lawyer, said he's heard of couples planning vacations that would take them only to Massachusetts, which lets gay couples marry, and California, Connecticut and Vermont, which have laws similar to the one headed for passage in New Jersey.

Even if gay couples in New Jersey could marry, the rights they have in the Garden State might not be recognized under the laws of the federal government or other states, experts say.

But Londa said marriage would put them in better position to sue for those rights. "If it were a marriage," she said. "It gives you standing to challenge. That's the issue. If you call us anything else, you can't challenge federal laws that deny us equal rights."

Gay rights advocates expect more stories like Connolly's, too.

Connolly said he and his partner have been careful to protect each other. They registered as domestic partners on July 10, 2004, the first day New Jersey couples could do so legally. They have power-of-attorney agreements that give each other the rights to each other's property and to make medical decisions for one another -- a step most married couples would not need to take.

Connolly said making sure insurance is in order is another precaution he's taking to protect his partner.

A spokesman for his insurance company, USAA, a San Antonio-based firm that covers current and former military members and their families, said the company is aware of the civil union legislation in New Jersey.

"We follow legislation in all the different states. We're complying with it 100 percent," said spokesman David Snowden.

He also said that in a case like Connolly's, a non-married partner in a domestic partnership or civil union could be added to the policy, but could not keep it if the first partner died.

Lawyers say the company's position would probably break New Jersey law because it would treat civil union couples and married couples differently.

It's largely up to New Jersey officials to educate companies who do business in the state about civil unions and what they mean -- and to enforce the rights, according to insurance industry officials.

That makes Connolly nervous.

"Will state regulators tell companies to get out of New Jersey if they don't grant rights in New Jersey?" he asked.

Pictures and Lawsuits

Since I happen to be an avid photography, this is something that I must mention to everyone that goes out to places and might have their photograph taken.


Club Dancer Sues Over Photo Identifying Him As Porn Star


by 365Gay.com Newscenter Staff

Posted: December 16, 2006 4:00 pm ET


(New York City) A man who works part time as a dancer at a New York gay club is suing the bar and the city's biggest LGBT club guide after his picture appeared in an ad identifying him as a porn star.

Alex Saez is a go-go dancer at Splash by night and worked in retail by day. But he says in his million-dollar lawsuit that the publicity over the ad for the club which called him a "Big City Video porn star" cost him his job at a children's clothing store.

Saez claims in the lawsuit that agreed to pose for the ad but with certain conditions.

"[He] accommodated the request provided that any images be used solely for one-time limited in-house distribution of flyers," the lawsuit charges in papers filed this week in court.

The documents say that was shocked to see the ads placed by Splash in HX magazine that identified him as a porn star named Alex.

The suit names both Splash and HX as defendants.

"[He] became the subject of gossip and innuendo at his workplace, and became deeply concerned that he would lose his job if his employers believed that he was a porn star," the documents filed by his lawyer said.

Splash is one of the biggest gay clubs in the country at 10,000- square feet. It regularly runs promotions such as "Full Frontal Friday" and "Stud Search".

Neither Splash nor HX have responded to the suit.





Just so that everyone knows, if you ever have your picture taken at clubs, bars, or social events, Please make sure you talk with the person that took the pictures and find out what they are going to be used for. If you don't agree with what they are going to using them for then you Must acknowledge this and tell the photographer that you do not want your picture used and want the negatives. Usually what might happen is they will blur out the faces of those that do not want their identities revealed in such pictures. Better be safe than sorry like the poor fella above and have to end up in court over something that just may have been prevented.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

This is sad....

I have been spending quite a bit of time on 365gay.com and some of the stories are just down right sad. They also have been making quite upset and mad. I want to do something and help as much as I can, but I don't even know where to begin. This is a story I was reading and I had no idea that homelessness was such an epidemic in US among GLBT youth. This made me think, I should try to open a House that accepts those that are homeless and provide help for them. They would need to help around the place and help with chores etc. But I thought this might be a great idea... Anyways enough about my blabbering...Here's the story!

Homelessness Among Gay Youth 'Epidemic'
by The Associated Press

Posted: December 15, 2006 11:00 am ET

(New York City) When Angelika Santiago was 18 and changing her identity from male to female, her mother issued an ultimatum: Cut her hair and dress as a boy or leave their apartment.

Santiago left their Manhattan home and ended up in a shelter for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender, or LGBT, youths.

"She wanted me to be a boy, deny who I was inside," Santiago recalled.

Santiago eventually gained her independence, landing a receptionist job and renting a room for $165 a week. But after losing the job and the room a few weeks ago, she found herself staying at another shelter.

Santiago, now 20, is part of an "epidemic" of homelessness among LGBT youth, according to a new report released Thursday by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and the National Coalition for the Homeless.

Up to 42 percent of the 575,000 to 1.6 million youths who are considered homeless or runaway are lesbian, gay or transgender, according to the report, "An Epidemic of Homelessness."

In New York, no one knows how many homeless youths there are let alone how many of them are LGBT, city officials acknowledged. But the estimate is that there are 30,000 homeless youths, of whom 8,400 are LGBT.

"Now that we have a report that sadly documents how big a problem the issue of homelessness among young LGBT people is," City Council Speaker Christine Quinn said, "it will make it much more difficult for government to ignore or walk away from that problem."

Solutions mentioned at the announcement included increasing the number of shelter beds for LGBT young people and expanding services designed for them to help them become self-sufficient.

Quinn and Councilmen Lewis Fidler and Alan Gerson noted that $1.2 million of the $2.6 million set aside in the budget passed this year for beds for at-risk, runaway and homeless youth is for LGBT homeless youth services.

The budget also calls for $50,000 for an independent count and demographic breakdown of the city's homeless youth population. That count will be conducted in the spring, city officials said.

More than a quarter of the LGBT youth who came out to their parents or guardians were kicked out, and once on the street they're particularly vulnerable to mental health problems and diseases such as AIDS, said the report, which relies mostly on government statistics and existing studies on that population.

Nicholas Ray, an analyst who authored the report for the task force's Policy Institute, said Danny, a gay homeless youth he met in Colorado, denied he was engaged in prostitution.

"He said, 'I go to the library and get on (Internet gay sites) just to find a place to sleep for the night. Not for money. I'd sleep with them just so I had a place to stay,"' Ray recalled.

In New York, there are three or four shelters specifically for homeless LGBT youth with a total of about 65 beds, and each often has a waiting list, said officials from those shelters, who attended the announcement.

Also, openly gay homeless youth often recount stories of being mistreated, harassed or turned away from other shelters, particularly faith-based ones, city and shelter officials said.

Santiago, who is living in another shelter, is looking for a job. She wants her own place eventually.

"This needs to stop," Santiago said of homelessness among LGBT youth. "These kids cannot live like this, and they are kids. They can range from 12 and on, and it's not fair, and it's not right."

©365Gay.com 2006

Best gay movies from Logo....

I have been looking for some great/good and not so good movies that are GLBT oriented and I stumbled upon logo's website depicting the top 50 movies. Some of these I have heard of and some I have seen or wanted to see. I will leave a little blurb behind the ones I have seen and also say what I thought of them.

50. Fire
49. Bent
48. Mambo Italiano
47. An Early Frost
46. Y Tu Mama Tambien
45. Gia
44. Billy Hollywood's Screen Kiss
43. Jeffery ~ I like this movie, who can beat Patrick Stewart in a Pink shirt. HAHA
42. Transamerica
41. If These Walls Could Talk 2
40. And the Band Played On
39. Ma Vie En Rosa
38. Making Love
37. The Boys in the Band
36. Girl Play
35. Saving Face
34. The Rocky Horror Picture Show ~ If you didn't know this one, then something is wrong with you! HAHAHA I love this movie, all time favorite.
33. Longtime Companion
32. Soldiers Girl
31. Adam and Steve
30. Edge of Seventeen
29. The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls
28. Hedwig and the Angry Inch
27. The Romantic Hearts Club, A Romantic Comedy
26. Parting Glances
25. Party Monster ~ Ok so I have a thing for McCauly Caulkin. I know I can't spell.
24. Boys Don't Cry ~ Its been a while since I have seen this one, but want to again.
23. Chutney Popcorn
22. Get Real ~ Another of my favorites, but has been a while since last seen.
21. The birdcage ~ Been a while since last seen.
20. Maurice
19. The Sum of Us
18. Fingersmith
17. When Night is Falling
16. Better than Chocolate
15. Die mommy Die
14. D.E.B.S.
13. Aimee and Jaguar
12. Torch Song Trilogy
11. Desert Heats
10. But I'm A Cheerleader
9. Tipping the Velvet
8. The Adventures of Pricilla, Queen of the Desert
7. Big Eden
6. Bound
5. Angels in America
4. Trick ~ Another good one in my opinion
3. Beautiful Thing
2. Latter Days
1. Brokeback Mountain ~ I love the story behind this one, but not so sure of a great movie. Plus it has Jake in it...Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm. haha


So this is the list of the movies to watch that you haven't. I know I will be busy trying to watch most of them, some I just won't watch. Just personal opinion here, I will not go into why. :) Have fun with getting these and if you have seen them, let me know what you thought of the film so I can post movie reviews later on.

Friday, December 15, 2006

My resolutions of the New Year

As you can tell by the title this blog is going to cut bad habits that I have an make the new year better for me. I have ten top resolutions that I am shooting for this year. There are many smaller ones that I have also, but they mostly fall within my top ten.

10. To quit smoking all together. I have cut way back and need to finish the little bit I have left to complete this. I am setting a quit date of December 20th. I want to be ahead on this one since this will be one of my hardest to deal with. As long as I don't get tempted and stay away from others that smoke and break the major time habits I have with smoking, I will be alright. The most difficult times are after eating and right when I wake up.

9. I have gained weight since I have started this and I need to work on that. I need to get out and exercise more. I have been really lazy this year and since I have been monitoring my weight I've noticed a 15 lb. gain since this time last year. Most will say, "oh that is nothing" well to me it is, because since high school I have maintained an optimal 170 lb. I am shooting for better than that. My goal that I've set for myself is reasonable, 160 lbs.

8. I have also noticed a BIG habit that is being terrible to me. I have become extremely introverted. This NEEDS to change BIG TIME! I used to be a social butterfly that loved being around people and have conversations. Now I have a hard time even talking with most people.

7. To get my photography up and off the ground. This one is pretty self-explanitory. I started getting into photography in High school and then stopped for a good while and have only recently picked up the pieces and began again. People tell me that I have a good eye for shots and also take some amazing pictures, but I can improve.

6. To get a place of my own. I won't go into detail on this one, but I am 27 years old and need to have my own place. I would really like to actually buy a house of my own. For the time being though I have to rent.

5. Take up so more hobbies that get me out of the house. I love to do many things outdoors. What I have noticed is that I talk myself out of doing most things. One main passion I have, besides photography, is going off roading. I have to thank Mike for bringing this back in me. I want to get out doing this, at the minimum 2 times a month. That is not unreasonable.

4. Better health habits. I eat, drink, and sleep badly. I have to improve me health through nutrition as well as exercise. I have already, this year alone, been in the hospital 4 or 5 times. All of that because of poor health habits.

3. I have this small little problem with people. I am very judgemental. I honestly don't know why, but I am. I want to become more accepting of people and be more open-minded with everyone. There are just some people, that no matter how hard you try, you just can't get along with. I accept that, but I don't have to put everyone down just to make me feel better. God I am terrible!

2. I doubt this one too happen too well. I want to build back up my relationship with my father. We haven't even spoken in a year. Since my grandfather's funeral to be exact. I love him with all my heart and its been so hard to not have him around to be able to just chat with or stop by and visit. He lives a ways away so that makes it difficult to be able to just drop in and see him. I used to only see him once maybe twice a year.

1. My biggest one yet...The resolution to make sure that I can accomplish all my other resolutions! I don't think that for one year yet, I have been able to maintain a New Years Resolution. This year I plan on changing that.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Well since I have time to blog lots tonight

Today is my birthday, that is why I put up my Natal Astrology chart tonight. I wanted to find out everything I could about myself with this chart. I was surprised at how accurately I was depicted on there. ^_^
I don't really feel older today, but in retrospect I do. This probably doesn't make sense to most people. Another year has gone by and I have been thinking about things I have done this last year that 1. has happened to me 2. I wanted to happen 3. What I did to make myself better.

Lets start by what has happened:
The Beginning of the year was pretty good, I had a pretty good job in Springdale, Utah working as a night auditor at a nice hotel. I was pretty much living the good life with my new car and a nice place to live in Hurricane, which is about 30 min. away. Then Dustin walked into my life and everything changed almost in the blink of an eye. We met down here in Hurricane and went on one date, then he told me that he was moving to Ogden, UT the next day. I had fallen head over heels for him. I wanted to be with him. So I gave up my job and packed most of my things and moved up there the next week. This was in April. Within a couple of months I had realized I made a mistake with going up north. He is a great guy, but just not the type for me. I had broken up with him and came back home in June.
Within the next few months I had become and emotional wreck and fell into a very deep depression that I couldn't have gotten out of without the help of my best friends here now. Thank you Dani, Clayton, and Jaden. With out them I think things would have become so much worse than what they were. Eventually I crawled out of the hole I fell into and started to make things better for myself. At this time is when I tried to make something happen (relationship wise) with one of my best friends. Of course that didn't work out and now we are best friends, but once again I slumped into the darkness. this time is was to last for almost 6 months.
During this time i couldn't hold a job down and I had pushed all my friends and family away. To be honest I do not remember much what happened during this time and still, even now, is a blur to me. I do remember that I lost my new car, no not lost, didn't pay the payments and it got repo'd.
I did eventually get a few jobs and tried to pick my pieces back up and now that I write this, everything is looking great again. I have a job, going to be getting another car and maybe down the road find me a great guy. The last isn't a necessity right now though. HEHE
Early in the year, well Dec. 22 2005 my grandfather, Calvin Wallace, passed on. God bless him in the life he is living now. I love you and miss you dearly. R.I.P.

Things I wanted to happen:
I wanted to get back into college for my computer graphics and web design. That didn't happen because of the financial problems I had made for myself.
To be honest, I really didn't have any plans for myself during this last year. The main thing was to slap myself into reality and get with the program. That I have done! I guess then I have done exactly what I needed to do.

I have a great feeling this next year is going to be great and just wonderful. I am really looking forward to moving on and making the Jason I know better and more improved... ONLY 199.95.... HAHA just kidding...just so happened an advertisement just came on the BooB Tube. LOL

All about me and then some. :)

Jason Wallace Sex M
Phoenix, AZ 4 USA 12/14/1979 15:00 - Julian day 2444222.42
Adjust 7.00 ST 20.04 Lat 33.27 Long 112.04


Planet Positions, Ascendant, & Houses

The following table shows the position of the planets in your chart, by sign and degree. On the right, you will find the sign of your Ascendant and the signs on the cusp of each house in your natal chart. The Roman Numerals refer to the houses, where the Ascendant is also the first house and the Midheaven is also the tenth house. For example, if the sign Taurus is next to Mars, you know your Mars is in Taurus. If the sign Libra is next to Venus, you know your Venus is in Libra. If Cancer is next to Ascendant, you have a Cancer Ascendant, and if Leo is next to II, Leo is on your 2nd house.


Zodiac in degrees 0.00 Placidus Orb:0
Sun Sagittarius 22.19 Ascendant Taurus 14.25
Moon Libra 28.55 II Gemini 12.46
Mercury Sagittarius 3.04 III Cancer 5.52
Venus Capricorn 20.17 IV Cancer 28.47
Mars Virgo 9.44 V Leo 25.46
Jupiter Virgo 10.02 VI Libra 1.13
Saturn Virgo 26.32 VII Scorpio 14.25
Uranus Scorpio 23.09 VIII Sagittarius 12.46
Neptune Sagittarius 20.18 IX Capricorn 5.52
Pluto Libra 21.18 Midheaven Capricorn 28.47
Lilith Virgo 17.35 XI Aquarius 25.46
Asc node Virgo 1.49 XII Aries 1.13





Aspects

The following table shows the planetary aspects in your natal chart. Short interpretations are found below.



Planet Aspect Planet Orb/Value
Sun Square Saturn 4.13 -42
Sun Conjunction Neptune 2.01 383
Sun Sextile Pluto 1.01 164
Moon Conjunction Pluto 7.36 96
Moon Square Midheaven 0.08 -88
Mercury Conjunction Uranus 9.55 3
Venus Trine Saturn 6.15 24
Venus Sextile Uranus 2.53 56
Venus Square Pluto 1.02 -66
Venus Trine Ascendant 5.52 19
Venus Conjunction Midheaven 8.30 42
Mars Conjunction Jupiter 0.18 299
Mars Trine Ascendant 4.41 25
Jupiter Trine Ascendant 4.23 16
Saturn Sextile Uranus 3.23 22
Saturn Trine Midheaven 2.14 29
Uranus Opposition Ascendant 8.44 -2
Neptune Sextile Pluto 1.00 45
1223 -198 1025




Asteroids & Chiron

The following table shows the positions of the four major asteroids and Chiron. These points are not as commonly used by astrologers, but are presented here for those interested in knowing where the asteroids are positioned in their birth chart.

Chiron Taurus 9.49 R
Ceres Aries 6.33
Pallas Aquarius 23.08
Juno Leo 2.10 R
Vesta Taurus 5.42 R
Fortune Aries 0.00
South node Aries 0.00

Natal Chart Report

Birth Chart

This birth chart report shows the positions of the planets for Jason Wallace .

The Sun represents vitality, a sense of individuality and outward-shining creative energy.

Sun in Sagittarius

Restless, cheerful, and friendly, Sun in Sagittarius people are generally on the go. They have a love of freedom, and a disdain for routine. Generally quite easygoing, Sagittarians make friends with people from all walks of life. They love to laugh and tease, and get along well with both sexes. Sagittarians have an often blind faith in people, and in the world. Their optimism is infectious, although it can get them into trouble from time to time. These are curious people who love to learn. Their idealistic nature is hard to miss.

Although generally easygoing, Sagittarius is a fire sign. This gives natives a generally quick temper. Fortunately, they're usually as quick to forget what got them angry in the first place. The need for escape is generally strong, and some Solar Sagittarians come across as a little irresponsible. They're generally easy to forgive, however. After all, their direct, honest approach in life is admirable.

Short description:

He is good, idealistic, enthusiastic and warm-hearted. He is independent, has a taste for travel and freedom. He is curious and fair-minded.

Weaknesses: He is too adventurous and leaves things to chance: takes risks which cause problems: he is rebellious and sometimes tactless when offering opinions.

Sagittarius ascendant Taurus

Sun in VIII

You have a great urge to go farther or deeper into life every step of the way. You want to experience more, and your desires are both powerful and intense. It is hard for you to find satisfaction in common experiences, and you have magnetic power if you choose to use it wisely. You are fascinated with what lies under the surface, and at some point in your life, self-improvement is a big interest. You are attracted to unexplored or taboo areas of life, and you avoid all things superficial. Financial problems may ease after marriage.

-42 Square Sun - Saturn

You faced a fair number of challenges in your life, especially in the first half of life, in which your attempts to express your will were often thwarted. There can be a persistent feeling that you don't get what they want in comparison to others. You can feel unlucky at times. Attempts to control your environment, and sometimes others, may be frequent.

You want to be considered an accomplished and important person, and when you face obstacles, you don't always see that you are your own worst enemy. You may long to be considered important in the eyes of the world, yet you harbor fear of success at the same time. You take failures and minor setbacks to heart, and may even practically beat yourself up over them. Self-awareness to the point of real self-consciousness is a possibility. The truth is, nobody holds a microscope over you, except for yourself. A little setback or a faux pas needn't be analyzed to death. Fingers needn't be pointed. No, you didn't make a spectacle of yourself when you made a mistake. You need to stop worrying about always being right, or appearing suave and accomplished. When you ease the pressure you put on yourself, you find that you don't face as many brick walls. It is very much about what you feel you deserve. Deep down inside, if you let yourself truly believe that you deserve happiness and peace of mind, you will find it.You may engage in a lot of self-censoring: "I shouldn't.." is a common censoring mechanism with you. When you express egotism of any form, some part of you feels guilty. As the Sun rules our conscious mind, it does enough censoring on its own. It is the "adult" within us. Saturn, on the other hand, is more like the "parent" within us. We need parents to guide us when we are children, and to some degree as adults, but for the most part, we don't need to be censored indefinitely--something that seems to be the case with Saturn-Sun hard aspects, except that the censoring and parenting is coming from within. Ideally, you eventually learn that the standards you set for yourself are too high, and that may be the reason you seem to hit brick walls. You have a sarcastic sense of humor, a keen intelligence, and the ability to apply caution and strategy. The vitality may suffer, and troubles with the bones, teeth, and circulation may surface, especially at times of stress in your life.

383 Conjunction Sun - Neptune

There is an unmistakably dreamy, inspired, and sensitive side to you. A marked appreciation for music and the arts is present. The connection of Neptune with the Sun, which represents the ego and the will, certainly softens some of the hard edges that might be found elsewhere in the chart, adding a sensitive and spiritual dimension to your personality. You are naturally compassionate. It is so completely natural for you to accept that there is more to the world than what is before your eyes, that you tend to presume everyone must be spiritually-inclined. Of course, you come to realize that this is not the case at some early point in your life. Your attraction to spirituality and metaphysical subjects is usually marked. These aspects favor writers, artists, and musicians. You are sensitive to those who are suffering, although you are not usually taken advantage of. You are humanitarian and may have a special connection with animals. If other aspects and positions in the chart support it, you are not one to dominate others or assert yourself to the point of brashness. You have a fertile imagination, are full of inspiration, and very emotional - all qualities that you may use on the professional level.

164 Sextile Sun - Pluto

You have much sexual vitality and passion. It is easy and natural for you to find a passion and pursue it, and to focus on a goal. You are not much scared of anything. You enjoy and embrace growth, especially of the psychological kind. You love a good mystery, and you are adept at solving it.You readily assign meaning to what others might consider "ordinary" events. You look for symbols, and read between the lines in most any situation. The physical vitality is generally strong, and the body is usually able to heal quickly. You are not afraid to get your hands dirty, and you are usually quick to help others--not only with mundane tasks, but also on a spiritual or psychological level. Your insight is sharp and sometimes awe-inspiring. You are perceptive and not easily rattled or surprised in life. You are not a do-gooder nor are you a law-breaker. However, you are not afraid of the "dark side" of human nature, and you will bend the rules from time to time if you feel the need to do so. You take particular pleasure in growth and life's lessons. You are not fond of superficiality, and are generally the first to spot pretense of any kind. You are passionate and can be intense. You have a hunger to experience more than just an "ordinary" life, and you can be quite ambitious. Some people with this aspect are perfectionists, demanding much from themselves and reasonable amounts of effort and honesty from others.

The Moon represents the emotional responses, unconscious pre-destination, and the self-image.

Moon in Libra

Moon in Libra people have a strong need for partnership. Without someone to share their lives with, they feel utterly incomplete. This is why many people with this position get involved in marriages or living-together arrangements quite young. Because this drive for harmony, peace, and sharing is so powerful, Lunar Librans are apt to do a lot of conceding. They are sympathetic and concerned for others, enjoy socializing, and revel in a good debate. Mental rapport with others is especially important to them.

Lunar Librans feel safe and secure when they are in a partnership. These are the people who seem to always need to have someone tag along with them wherever they go -- even if it is to the corner store. They find strength and reinforcement in and through others. Both men and women with this position are often quite charming. They can be very attractive to be around, and are often given to flirtatiousness. Rarely directly aggressive, these people win your heart with their gentle and refined ways.

Moon in Libra natives simply can't help but see flaws in their environment and their relationships. In fact, anything out of whack will bother them until it's fixed. Although diplomatic with acquaintances, when Moon in Libra natives argue with their long-standing partners, they rarely let up until they win. And, winning an argument is a Libran specialty--in fact, they may not even believe what they are saying, but will adopt all kinds of ideas just to get the last word. Living with Lunar Librans can sometimes feel like you are on trial, and Libra is the expert lawyer. Sometimes, though, Libra is defending you and supporting your point of view. Lunar Librans' idealistic outlook and constant striving for the best, most harmonious lifestyle can lead to much discontent. Looking for that one (elusive) perfect way to lead their lives can detract from enjoyment of the moment.

Short description:

He is sociable and popular. Has good judgement, he is intelligent and reasonable. Likes social pleasures.

Weaknesses: instability in loving relationships, unfaithfulness, gives too much weight to the views of others and to public opinion.

Moon in VI

Will never be a leader, but succeeds in being the right-hand of an important person. In most cases, he is an employee, worker etc. He likes the country, respects Nature and likes animals.

96 Conjunction Moon - Pluto

He wavers between a rich and successful domestic life and social success. He has difficulty in succeeding in both. Very perceptive and given to psychoanalyzing people. A strategist. Powerful emotions and intense feelings.

-88 Square Moon - Midheaven

He has an irresolute nature, with sudden changes of humor. He is unstable and does not follow through on his own objectives. This instability shows itself not only in professional life but also in love life and friendships.

Mercury represents communication, Cartesian and logical spirit.

Mercury in Sagittarius

Enthusiastic, humorous, and sometimes moralistic. He has strong opinions, and often shares them! Democrat, philosopher, tolerant, respectful of laws. Interested in foreign places and learning more languages. Believes that everything teaches you something.

Mercury in VII

Hates being alone. He has lots of friends, likes to discuss and similarly has a lot of work friends. Likes to write.

3 Conjunction Mercury - Uranus

He is perspicacious, ingenious: he binds intelligence and originality together with genius. He likes literature, especially fiction. He is spontaneous in his friendships and knows how to take advantage of the situations that arise.

Venus represents an interest for emotions and values, exchange and sharing with others.

Venus in Capricorn

Venus in Capricorn people will try to win your heart by displaying self-control, presence of mind, and responsible behavior. These lovers want you to know they are goal-oriented, witty, savvy, and controlled. Nobody can get the best of them. They want you to see just how competent they are. They like some measure of predictability in their relationships as they are cautious in love.

Venus in Capricorn men and women project an aura of competency and their loner-like behavior can be attractive, in a cool way. They don't go gaa-gaa over love, or at least they don't express as much. Their lovers may complain that Venus in Capricorns are a little too practical and deliberate. Certainly, they can come across as lacking in warmth and spontaneity. Truth is, they can be rather romantic souls who yearn for a partner to share their lives with. Others' image of their relationship matters to them. They are conservative and willing to commit. Venus in Capricorn people are attracted to serious, goal-oriented lovers. They are a little shy in matters of the heart, but they don't want you to know it. If you like knowing where your relationship is headed, you'll be mighty pleased with Venus in Capricorn. These people plan ahead in love, and, unlike Venus in Pisces, they will let you know exactly where they (and the relationship) are headed. Pleasing Venus in Capricorn involves showing them you are practical and realistic. They want to impress you with the things they do. Appreciate their "saving for a rainy day" attitude, and be aware that they want to show you off in a quiet way.

Venus in IX

Finds love abroad or marries a foreigner. Refined mind, he likes the Arts, is carried away by beautiful things. He is very happy abroad.

24 Trine Venus - Saturn

He has a good grasp of reality and of duty. He is thrifty, reserved and does not show off. He likes truth and justice. In love, his sentiments are sincere and deep, he never plays false. He is, of course, faithful in love and friendship. He can love a much older person and appreciates his intelligence and good sense.

56 Sextile Venus - Uranus

independent in love. His love life is rich, but with passing love affairs. He tires quickly and is scared of losing his liberty. If he marries, he will regret it. He has that little something that attracts the opposite sex: he likes amorous adventures, he is romantic. He is the eternal lover and, of course, is unfaithful if he has a serious relationship. He likes art, anything new.

-66 Square Venus - Pluto

19 Trine Venus - Ascendant

He likes everything beautiful, the Arts, balance and harmony. He is amiable and sociable. He likes entertainment and has a loving nature.

42 Conjunction Venus - Midheaven

He has good taste, has an affectionate nature, his love is warm and deep, based on intellectual understanding and common tastes. His friends are useful in furthering his career.

Mars represents the desire for action and physical energy.

Mars in Virgo

These productive and busy people are goal-oriented, practical people. Although they can be a little scattered at times, simply because they are doing so many things at any give time, Mars in Virgo natives get things done—quite well! They have a knack for handling a wide variety of tasks at once, and a tendency to take on perhaps too much at the same time. Most Mars in Virgo natives are not particularly aggressive by nature. Although they can be a little hard-nosed and critical at times, they rarely resort to pushing others around. Still, an annoyed Mars in Virgo native can be difficult to be around! Arouse their anger and they turn into complaining, over-critical nags. Generally, these natives don't make themselves nuisances, so this stage is unlikely to last for very long. It is a sensitive position, however. It doesn't take much to make these people nervous.

Mars in Virgo people are quite protective about their "system" for getting things done. Although rather humble in a general life sense, they can be quite particular about their methods—how they organize and accomplish their goals, mostly with work. Theirs is a nervous energy. Although they have some staying power, they can be restless and are not given to sticking with the same projects for too long. These natives derive plenty of energy and life force from the things they do—their work, hobbies, and any kind of projects they take on. An idle Mars in Virgo native is a sorry sight, indeed. Fidgety, nervous, worried...all of these things are a sure sign that Mars in Virgo people have either too little to do, or far too much on their plates. There is a perfectionist at the heart of all people with this position. They'll be the first to deny this, but it's there! They worry when they are not producing anything, and they worry about whether what they've produced will measure up.

An earthy and sometimes nervous sexuality generally characterizes people with this position of Mars. In a sense, their performance in bed is similar to their work. These people want to be good at what they do. They will generally be open to experimentation, if only to feed their curiosity and to feel savvy. There's often a shy and humble side to Mars in Virgo in any area that involves putting themselves out there and letting go (areas ruled by Mars). But experience and knowledge are important to these natives, and this drive generally wins over their natural reticence.

Mars in V

Spontaneous nature. He likes games, sometimes even violent sports. He takes professional risks. A great worker, he likes everything that can be done quickly, and detests things that hang around for a long time. It is the same for his emotional life: no candy-floss or fine speeches, he gets directly to the point.

299 Conjunction Mars - Jupiter

He has a good sense of organization, he is jovial, frank and sincere. He is full of dynamism and over-abundant energy. He loves life and takes all it has to offer. He likes sports and the outdoor life. He is successful professionally and emotionally. He usually has lots of children.

25 Trine Mars - Ascendant

Jupiter represents expansion and grace.

Jupiter in Virgo

He attracts the most good fortune when he is helpful, honest, orderly, and pays attention to details. The service industries, nutrition, and health are prosperous avenues.

Jupiter in V

He likes games and distractions. He has passion which lights up his days. He is lucky in love, but also professionally, with pleasant working conditions and duties. He loves his children and gets much enjoyment from them.

16 Trine Jupiter - Ascendant

He likes meeting friends, around a good meal and in a cordial atmosphere. He is pleasant, jovial and engaging.

Saturn represents contraction and effort.

Saturn in Virgo

He likes order, harmony, method and balance. He can undertake long-term medical or scientific studies.

Weaknesses: he is intransigent, stubborn. Misuse of medicines, or asking for too much medicine.

Saturn in V

He likes method, calculation, concentration. He is not drawn towards amusements, or pleasure in general. He has few friends, but has deep and sincere feelings. He is serious in everything.

22 Sextile Saturn - Uranus

He knows how to be on top of the situation. He perseveres, is determined but ingenious and original. He is very practical. He proceeds slowly, but is always bound to achieve his objectives in the end.

29 Trine Saturn - Midheaven

He is ambitious, but in a calculated, well-balanced way. He perseveres, is serious, orderly. He climbs the ladder slowly but surely: if need be, he is willing to change his ideas. He is wise and experienced.

Uranus represents individual liberty, egoistic liberty.

Uranus in Scorpio

Intelligent and subtle. Adores research, inquiry, investigation. Very sensual.

Uranus in VII

His independence does not tolerate marriage very well. If he does marry, he has little chance of finishing his days with the spouse, unless the partner gives him complete freedom and accepts his unfaithfulness.

-2 Opposition Uranus - Ascendant

He is inconstant, lacks control and is nervous.

Neptune represents transcendental liberty, non-egoistic liberty.

Neptune in Sagittarius

Likes long voyages, things foreign, water.

Neptune in VIII

A strong imagination, not always good with money because he glosses over details and can be a bit sloppy with accounting. May have problems collecting inheritance and could encounter difficulties on a financial level through the marital partner. Is creative and imaginative sexually, and understands and accepts a wide range of styles and preferences in these matters.

45 Sextile Neptune - Pluto

Pluto represents transformations, mutations and elimination.

Pluto in Libra

Looks for new ways to relate to others.

House I is the area of self identity. The ascendant is a symbol of how one acts in life. It is the image of the personality as seen by others, and the attitude that one has towards life.

Sagittarius ascendant Taurus

Ascendant In Taurus

Slow, steady, and capable are adjectives that we can safely attach to individuals born with a Taurus Ascendant. These natives have tremendous stamina and staying power. They're often quite loyal to those they care about. Although they generally don't come on strong, they have personal presence; and they fairly radiate stability. The sign on the Ascendant generally reveals how people start anything new. Taurus, by nature, is resistant to change. It can be difficult to sway Taurus rising natives--they're often rather stubborn and fixed in their ways. Their first responses are to feel things out, not in the way a Pisces might attune to their environment, but in the realm of the five senses. They have well-developed sense of smell and touch, and respond to the material world. Theirs is a practical approach to life. Security is one of their foremost considerations before undertaking anything new. Taurus rising natives are often quite cautious and careful. With a fixed sign on the Ascendant, they are not known for their flexibility. Rather, they possess determined single-mindedness. More than most, Taurus rising prefers the "good things" in life. Self-indulgence can be a weakness for many with this Ascendant. Often collectors in some way, Taurus rising natives place a lot of value on their material possessions.

Taurus rising individuals prefer to dress in quality clothes with a comfortable feel to them. They are rarely ostentatious in their presentation. Many have strong and sturdy physiques. Often rather possessive in partnership, these natives won't easily break up their relationships. Although they are not particularly jealous, they view their partners as their personal property. Intensity and loyalty are especially important to Taurus rising natives. These are highly sensual people who prefer the comforts that a one-to-one, stable partnership offers. Although Taurus rising individuals value harmony and calm, their partnerships may be on the passionate side. Taurus rising natives are often very comforting to be around. They have a stability about them that is soothing, and an inner harmony that is attractive.

House II is the area of material security and values. It rules money and personal finances, sense of self-worth and basic values, personal possessions.

House II in Gemini

Financial success will be acquired thanks to various activities, frequent changes, be it of the activity or the workplace. He is required to use his wits to amass money, which is not always easy.

House III is the area of social and intellectual learning.

House III in Cancer

Any travel that he does will only be to visit family or friends . Family and dear ones are very important to him, they can always count on him in times of difficulty or trouble. Nostalgia is strong. Cautious in communications. He usually thinks before speaking.

House IV is the area of home, family, roots, and deep emotions/sense of self-worth.

House IV in Cancer

Reveres family life, children have a large place in his heart. Heis by nature calm, affectionate, delicate and tender. Values peace and calm in the home. Is nostalgic and collects things of sentimental value.

House V is the area of creative self-expression, romance, entertainment, children, and gambling.

House V in Leo

Can only love an honest, upright and intelligent person. Likes to admire his spouse. A sincere, stable and faithful love. Refined education.

House VI is the area of learning by material transaction.

House VI in Libra

Above all else, likes good work conditions, a good atmosphere. Weak point: the kidneys.

House VII is the area of one-to-one relationships such as marriage and partnership, and of social and intellectual action.

House VII in Scorpio

Passion, passion. Feverish and drunk with love. Hiccups, discussions, disputes in love.

House VIII is the area of emotional security and of security of the soul.

House VIII in Sagittarius

Death will certainly be in a foreign land or on a journey abroad. Nevertheless this will happen after a long life, when the body is too exhausted to continue. Easy death.

House IX is the area of learning that shapes the identity.

House IX in Capricorn

Respects the religion in which he was brought up as a child, still holds this belief.

Likes justice and loyalty.

House X is the area of material action. The Mid-heaven represents the work one will do in his life, the place one will take in the world of society. It becomes more important as one grows older

House X in Capricorn

Someone who is completely trusted at work. Respectable, irreproachable in his work and moral qualities, scrupulous and praiseworthy.

House XI is the area of search for social and intellectual security.

House XI in Aquarius

Likes to re-make the world with his friends. These discussions can last the whole night and, with the ideal world created, he can retire to bed.

House XII is the area of education and of emotion.


House XII in Aries

Can take initiatives without consulting anyone, even his partner.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

A little something

I just woke up for a little bit since I couldn't sleep very well today. I was having such good dreams too. I woke up with a bad headache and took some melatonin and advil to help and try to get back to sleep, but I took this while I was up. LOL














The Surprising Lover

63% partner focus, 42% aggressiveness, 80% adventurousness

Based on the results of this test, it is highly likely that:



You prefer your romance and love to wild and daring rather than typical or boring, you would rather be pursued than do the pursuing and, when it comes to physical love, your satisfaction comes more from providing a wonderful time to your partner than simply seeking your own.



This places you in the Lover Style of: The Surprising Lover.



The Surprising Lover is a wonderful Lover Style, and, like the name implies, is often filled with hidden delights and talents that might not be apparent from a surface knowledge of the person. The Surprising Lover is rather like a geode--sometimes rough on the exterior, but filled with beauty and wonder. The Surprising Lover is thus a gem to find, though it can sometimes be difficult to do so because they often tend to be humble and unwilling to reveal their inner greatness unless they're in a rewarding relationship.



In terms of physical love, the Surprising Lover really shines, often highly imaginative and utterly devoted to bringing the heights of pleasure to the one that they truly love. Given a rewarding, reciprocative relationship, and the right lover, the Surprising Lover can be a delight in bed.



Best Compatibility can probably be found with: The Carnal Lover (most of all) or the Exotic Lover, or the Suave Lover.



Congratulations!



If you enjoyed this test, I would love the feedback! Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in the following:



Nerds, Geeks & Dorks



Professional Wrestling




Buffy the Vampire Slayer




America/Politics





Thanks Again! -- THE LOVER STYLE PROFILE TEST
















My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 99% on partner focus
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 99% on aggressiveness
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 99% on adventurousness




Link: The Lover Style Profile Test written by donathos on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Almost 27 in less than 24 hours

Ok so now that I put that up in the title, that made me depressed a little. HA I will be another year older as of tomorrow. Yikes!! Another year past and gone for me. What have i done this year....Hmmmmm... Well nothing really. To be honest I have NOT done a damn thing this year except be lazy and melodramatic about everything...Hence my blogs and singleness in life... No just kidding bout the last one. Anywho, I'll blog tomorrow night, whilst I have to work on my birthday. BLAH!!

Here is a little looksie at what my party will be like this year..

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net


Sad Huh? lol

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Working and Blogging

So tonight, for the first time since I have started, I am working and blogging. The shift I work now makes the perfect time for me to blog and also contemplate things. Today was interesting though, I honestly didn't think anyone was really following these. hehe my small naive self. I got this wonderful comment on one of my blogs that help me see some things.

I was shocked when someone that I haven't ever meet completely broke down my thoughts and opened my eyes to what I needed to see. Love and Lust are two seperate things. I don't know why I haven't figured this out before. Thank you for the comment and I would love to know more from/about you.

I can't remember honestly if I mentioned that my mother had left Oklahoma only about 4 days ago. Well I was totally enjoying my freedom of the house and getting ready to start moving rooms and making my old room into a library when I got a phone call from here the other day saying she was coming back! Oh I was so down, I have my reasons, but I don't want to publish them right now...maybe in a later post sometime. I've wanted to move out for sometime now, except the financial reasons keep me there. Seems the more I work, the less I have and can't save. Oddities.

Oh yea, I almost forgot before I close out this tonight... I watched the movie "Cars" yesterday and I fell in love with that movie. It is so cute! If you haven't seen it then you should.

Well I am going to close for now...I might add some or post again later in the morning. I have a couple days off so I might no be able to post again for a day or two. Oh wait I just got Wireless at my house!!! I almost forgot about that too... If my head wasn't screwed on I would probably forget that too. HAHAHAHA

Goodnight for now.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Photo outing Dec 3

Here are some cool pix from my last outing with Mike. We went out to a place called Modena, Utah and a little mining town named Gold Springs. Very quaint little area and some great photo opportunities.












Monday, November 20, 2006

wish me luck

Tonight was great I got to talk to a few old friends from the past up in SLC. They are doing well and good. I miss them though, sometimes I want to move back up there, but I know what will happen if I do, the same that has happened before -- 3 times -- It just didn't work out up there. You live and learn, I just learn slower than most people. HAHA.

Anyways, about the title, Tonight I sent in some of my photography work to QR magazine to try to get with a photographer position with the company so I have my fingers crosses that this will work out and I can take a GIANT step into being the photographer that I really want to be. So everyone do the same an wish me luck. Thanks poodles!

MUAH!!!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Fun Times

Today was a Wonderful day!  There was a slight chill in the air and clouds hung low in the gray sky.  Almost looked as if there was going to be snow this evening.  The only down side was the wind.  We had wind gusting around 30 to 40 miles an hour, which did make the cold air feel really cold.
Today I was able to go and visit with my grandparents to have dinner with them.  It was really nice.  We had Tamale Pie with some veggies to boot.  Yum!  Wasn't the biggest dinner, but filling. 
Im not sure though why today was so great, there was just a good feeling about it.  One of those inexplainable things, You know. 

I finally got some pictures of the last few outtings that I've been on with the family.  We had a lot of fun driving around getting somewhat lost and driving through the back-country.  I will post towards the end of this post. 

Was finally able to have  a good conversation with my mom and what her plans are.  She has decided to move up to Washington State and try to make her way up there.  Which I wish her the best in.  This will be nice, because if everything works out then I will move out of this little ghetto place I am in now and move over in with Jaden and Josh.  They just bought a new house over in St. George near Bloomington.  This will be nice since I will be closer to work and out of Hurricane.  Hurricane is quite a bit smaller than St. George and there is not much to do out this way.  Pretty depressing if you ask me.  Well I might be posting more later tonight as I think of things so here some of the pictures that were taken.


Just some random bush pictures....hahaha no pun intended.


Just some random bush pictures....hahaha no pun intended. :)





Momma Being a little retard! hehehe





Here are my sweet grandparents!!! Loves





My Lovely little ghetto city!!! Hurricane


Just some random pictures of the area and stuff.







Its been a while

I haven't been online for a while now, damned internet service.  I had to shut down the service until further notice, ciz I can't afford to keep it.  So instead I got me a wireless dill thingy and am working off my neighbors wireless network.  How nice is that. HA.  Im going to be blogging again later tonight cuz right now I can't really think of anything to talk about and whatnot. So bear with me and keep posted. :)


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Thursday, October 26, 2006

Lost in world of myself

This is my life, this is my place, this is my world. My world is seen like a glass wall, completely transparent. Passer-by's look in an glance at the dark, broken world of me. Most don't like what they don't see, can't blame them, neither do I. I try not to really notice that the life I am in is perfect and I wouldn't change a damn thing. That is not true though. There are many things I would try to change about, even though its not really something I can do and still stay me. At the same time, I would be a upgraded me. That wouldn't be so very bad. Not that the things I want to change are that bad or significant, well to others they are not that important, but to me they are.
I remember back to the days of being a child and wishing I could be some big star or powerful person in the world. I woke up everyday wanting to be what I wished for. What happened to those days of wanting something and trying to get it? Now I just think that everything I wish and want is an impossible dream. How sad is that? There are so many things that I aspired for while I was younger. Like being a all great trumpet player or a Pianist. I gave both those up years ago, knowing that I couldn't make anything of that. I wanted to be a great graphic designer after high school, make the world a beautiful place through my artwork. Yet again I set up another failure and lost that part of me too. I have this feeling that just being complacent is fine, but in reality that is not ok. I need to be something great. I have come to a relization that I am not that great in any one area of my life. I am only half-assed in most things I know. The average joe if you will. I am almost 30 years fucking old and I still don't know what I want to do with my life. I have a pretty good idea, but the lack of passion holds me back. The lack of PASSION! Where in the Hell did that go? I want it back wherever it took off to!

You know what else just came to my mind? I haven't done anything with my life so far. I look back and see nothing that I can actually say I am proud of. What am I doing with my life, where am I going?

This is really starting to bug me can you tell. I want MORE! I need MORE! I have experiment with so much in my life and not really found something I am really good at. Everything is only half-assed ( I think I mentioned this earlier) All in all I really need to do some thinking about the what-ifs, what-nots, and why for's of life and start getting my ass out and about and doing something about this. The only problem that keeps coming up is, I don't know where to begin. Almost like being born again, except that a 175lb baby. LOL.

So I was laying awake almost all night the other night and was thinking how many of my guy friends that I haven't tried to sleep with or get into a relationship with. There are only two that I can think of over the last like 6 years! This is not a good thing , tells me that I can not have friends that are boys without wanted to have them as my boyfriend. That is really fucked up! The conundrum that I was confronted with before I went to sleep was that I want so badly to be in a relationship and yet I find them so hard. I get in and then push the one I love away from me. This is the biggest problem that I have and want so very badly to fix. I want to fix with this one special guy too. I will be honest right now and I know that I have fallen in Love. I know that right now at this time the love isn't reciprocated, but thats not a big deal for me. We are friends and I will always have his back no matter what and no matter where he is. Considering the fact that Im not so sure excatly where he is right now. Maybe Cali again or SLC, I'll have to call him to find out. I just know that I am in love with him and will not let him go out of my life. Not again will I let this happen to me. I honestly hope he reads this so that he knows excatly how I feel about him and that he knows that his home will always be in my heart. Some folk would call this an infatuation with someone, but I say differently. When someone is always, and I mean always, on your mind day and night. The only thing you can think about. Then I know its love.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Ok, so Im going to post twice

I don't care what you all think....HAHAHA just kidding babes! God if you didn't know that I was then you need to get to know me better. I tend to joke alot, and I mean ALOT! The more I like you the more I will tease you. Some folks don't understand this, they are all like "what a fcuking bitch" I just laugh and get them to laugh too. Its funny how life is sometimes ya know. For example, I was planning on going up to Park City and now I am not. I don't know the big reason why I didn't, just didn't. I think a big part what the sexy ass mofo from the previous post. :) But SSSHHHHH Don't tell anyone...Kayz. hehehe Im such a crack head

Oh yes...I am covering for my mom at her working. HA I am working again. LOL kinda sorta in a small fashion. Well Im going to try to take her place here if she does move to NV. Which I kind of really hope will happen so she can be happy again. I think she would be happy there and well just happy getting the fuck outta Utah. I once thought that as well, but this place grew on me. The scenery is wonderful and you can't get the views from here anywhere else.

Im smiling right now like I haven't smiled in a long time. I only wish that I can keep this happiness I have right now. Maybe I will be able to be happy again, right now I would really like that. A good strong guy by my side enjoying life, a nice puppy, yada yada yada.

It has been a while my friend {editted}

Yes it has, been to long that is. HA Not that things are really much different within the last week than the previous. Except that I do have this huge crush on my friends roomate (former as of next week) His name is Paul and is completely fucking adorable.





Now tell me that he isn't hot as hell and cute as a bug. Well I don't care what you think, cuz I do. I have been trying to tell him indirectly that I like him, but that doesn't seem to be working out to well. Of course we don't really know each other that well yet. We've hung out like once for something like an hour, Then we all went to bed. But then again, knowing my luck with guys....I would screw it up. Hell I don't even know if he likes me or not. Guess I should just break outta my little turtle shell here and say "what the fuck, why not.... Paul, I like you, lets date"

I just blushed while I wrote that. I can't do that....I am way way to shy. That an there are a few others, I won't mention names here, that don't really like him for some reason and told me this. Also was trying to get me to not like him as well and not like him. I can't help the feelings that I have for someone!

I will be damned if someone else is going to tell me who and who not to like as well. They just haters! hehehe.

Monday, October 16, 2006

One Great Weekend

so I just have to say that this last weekend was great for me. I had several friends from Salt Lake come down on their way to Mexico. Dustin, Ely, Ian, and Megan were here. My wonderful weekend started on Thursay when they all got here in the early evening. We all got so drunk, except Dustin. It was really fun and great. I drank so much that I mostly blacked out and still don't know most of what happened that night. Mostly the important things I remember, hehe like drinking almost all of the jello shots that I made. Noone else really wanted them and I couldn't see to have them wasted or any stupid shit like that. The next day Dustin, Ely and Megan took off down to mexico so some "business" could be taken care of there. Anyways, this isn't go to a explanation of what the fuck all happened, but there are some things that I need to say and get off my chest and whatever.

Ok so while they were here, Ian realized finally that we couldn't ever be where he wanted us to be. I have been trying to say this for years now, and the only way that I could do it was to tell him that i wanted to get together with him and let him know what is was like to "be" with me. Then it didn't take him very long to realize that I am not a good person in relationships and that I wasn't going to be the man of his dreams and give him what he needed/wanted. Last night he cried most of the night while I explained all this to him and we finally came to the conclusion that yes, we are friends and that is the way it will be forever. Some things are just better this way. I know this because I know who I am and what I am capable of.

There is another thing that I have to get out here. I have this crush on someone that I know I can't have, or at least think I can't. To me I feel he is great in every aspect that I know and what I want out of someone. Yes there are a few shortcomings, but good hell, who doesn't have them. If you said you didn't, I'd call your bullshit to your face and tell you that your full of shit. :) But, back to what I was talking about... I tried to tell him while he was visiting me, but never really was able to get a one on one chance to be with him. That is probable my fault and should have just taken that first step, grabbed him aside and talked with him. Its wierd that I can talk like that, but in reality I wouldn't have the balls to actually do that. Im crazy like that. Oh, almost forgot about this, I did text him via a friends cell phone (I didn't have his number) and told the other friend to pass on what I said. I don't think that happened, but I can't be sure about that either. I really like this boy, a lot! More than I've liked anyother before. Of course that tends to be said about one before that I have moved along on.

Now that they are gone....I feel alone again. There is a blankness in me that, to be honest, i doubt will ever be filled again. Sometimes the feeling that I get is this....My heart and soul are like a giant blackhole, taking in everything around it into nothingness. It will take and take but not give back. A void if you will. I have let myself down to the point of not caring anymore. This gets me into trouble with people and things. I am likened unto a heartless. A hopeless romantic that knows what I need will never happen again like it has before. The love I have can not be replicated and it will be a grace of god to have this repaired or given back to me. My mind and soul have become the one thing I never wanted to become.

This is the bottom...
Sinking into the crevices within
slowly stangulating my breath
I look into the mirror to find someone I once knew
only to have a stranger looking back at me

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

found this, thought it was cool

The night is better than the sun

So, I got over the whole stupid little drama thing that was a corn cob up my ass a few days ago. YAY! I just kinda flipped out there for a bit. HAHA Sooooo I did get some nut-fucking fabulous news the other day, I got the job at Deer Valley Resort in Park City. Can't remember if i mentioned that or not in my previous post... OH WELL! HA take that you sour cum guzzling gutter whore! ehehe. I am still a little salty about things. BUT hey...I can't have the sweet wit out the salt, right, right, oh come on now...RIGHT! I will be leaving right around the 13 of Nov. Not sure just when yet though.

Oh I did my hair today...what do you think....


Pretty fuckin cool huh? yeah i know i'd fcuk myself too...hehehe J/K

Thursday, October 05, 2006

My how Life is so ironic....

So...Life is just grand this week. I wasn't able to get the "affordable" car that I desperately needed so that I can go out and about to get a job. My BF Ian decided that he wasn't able to handle school and me at the same time, so he broke up with me tonight. And to top off everything i have fucking strep throat! Im not going to bitch about things, cuz I've been doing so well at not doing that anymore, but you know what. FUCK THIS! 3.5 years Ian has waited for me to date him again and then just one night he decides that he can't handle both at the same time. oh well though, guess it wasn't supposed to happen. Guess now I can go an still be fucking single again, since it was so damn fun the first time around. Yeah anyways.....im done

Friday, September 29, 2006

Photo Shoot Pictures

Thanks to Dani, Clayton, and Failyn for giving the opportunity to have them pose for a nice little photoshoot a few weekends back. These are my first opportunity in a "studio" setting so I thought I'd post them here for shits and giggles. I think they turned out wonderful, thanks to the help of a little photoshop. :)














































This is funny

Ok so today I was out doing the whole ranching thing...lmao. I was taking care of horses, feeding and watering them. It was actually quite fun. The funny thing is, I saw more horse dick than I have seen man dick in my life...HAHAHAHA seemed like every stallion out there had to just let it all hang out. I felt so violated. Just kidding, I really didn't. Seems like that it is like that every time you go to a gay club anymore... "lets just let it hang out an maybe I'll get noticed more" Those fucking Whores...hehehe. Not that I mind going to the club to see all those Hot HOT men hanging loose. :) But yeah, it was fun out there. I've always been nervous around animals that are that big, but I realized, if they get too close...Just smack then on the end of the nose. :) too bad you can't do that with men.. hahahahahaha... Anyways...that was my excursion for the day. I have been also talking to the guy that runs that ranch about getting on of the trucks he has out there for working. Its not the best, but hell its a vehicle right now. :)

Damn it

I hate when I start something and then forget about it and then remember what I was doing weeks later! OMG that is sooo fucking funny. Done this more than I can count to date.

Well its been good, my depression has subsided for the time being and I am once again a happy go lucky indie boi. Still am unemployeed though, but this has been a good thing. Since now I have more time to fix computers and also work on my photography...WooT! Yes I am trying to become a great and wonderful photographer, but I have noticed this is slighty harder than I thought in the begining. :( But still, I've been getting the energy and will to do things I have and love to do. YAY for me! The music I've been listenin to as well has not been so dark and shit. Im listening to Postal Service and some other random tings right now. I just finished up one photo shoot and am looking for my next victim...er subject to work with...hehe. I think i have a knack for this and am going to actively pursue this when I get up to SLC.
I have been thinking a lot about moving to SLC again, yes again. I got together with Ian for many reasons... One to help with my anti-social, neurotic behavior, and the other because I love him and am going to be with him! Maybe this is why my temperment has swung around. Maybe, possible...god knows, i don't..hahaha So how bout them apples, son.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Ooops

Its been a few days since my last post. Sorry to be neglectful. I talked to my finance company about my car and yes it will be Repo'd prolly today. So i spend most of the day so far getting all my shit out of the car and changing the headlights back to the original ones. haha I can't stand regular lights, i have to be able to see at night, ya know. Other than that I haven't been up to much lately, just being bored and tryin to find another job. I left the one at Canyonlands, because the Manager guy is a Douche Bag and doesn't know how to manage an office. But oh well, live an learn...It was time to move on anyways. I also found out that my old job doesn't want me to come back to work for them. FUCK YOU! I didn't really want to go back there anyways. Hmmm Guess i need to learn to be a little more forgiving and lower my standards a little bit and just take a job anywhere. Its hard to do that though and I honestly don't want to get stuck flipping burgers for the rest of my life. Sometimes i get so jealous of my friends that have good jobs and work barely.

Monday, August 07, 2006

I just don't know anymore

What is the point of continuing on anymore, when it seems as if no one cares? I know that I want to be around and be social an whatever. But I think there is something wrong with me or something. People just don't like to hang out with me. Im the shadow that just tags along all the time when I am with friends. Maybe its just me being sensative or something, i don't know. I wish I did. I also wish I knew why I can't be loved for who I am. No one has ever really clicked with me, they all say that didn't see "fireworks" with me. Guess I am just destined to be a friend to all. That isn't so bad, right? Yeah right. Keep telling myself that! You know what though, that is the only thing that keeps me going. I have close friends, so I think anyways. But they are close in my heart and I love each and everyone to death. Just that kind of person. I always thought is was me pushing them away, but it is them that pushes me. I don't mean to be irresponsible or immature sometimes, just reminds me that I'm human. Its fun, ya know. I try not to be down all the time, its hard though.....Always putting on that fucking smile and pretending all is good in my life....Cuz I will be the first to say that its not. Its not as bad as others, I will say that much. I would just like something to go right and the way I want it to for once. Things seem as they seemed as I wanted them to be at one point....but life isn't the bowl of cherries I once imagined. There is only three things that I really want in life....My Health, My Love/happiness, and My financial Stability. I never thought too much to ask out of life. Apparently it is very very hard to achieve.

Im going to be quitting my job and work on getting a seasonal job. I hate the one im in now. Sit on my ass all day and basically do nothing! It sucks ass....I have to have something that pushes my mind with something. Not just saying "yes ma'am, no sir" and calling insurance companies. I can't even go to school with the schedule I am on. Which is something that is very important to me. Im not the brightest knife in the drawer, which I've been working on changin....So you see I do make an effort to change myself and better my life and well being. Just doesn't go anywhere.

Im not in the best of moods tonight if you already haven't noticed. but frankly I don't care. I haven't cared for a while now. I am a GREAT and WONDERFUL guy, fuck what everyone else has to chirp in. Why should i give a flying fuck if someone doesn't like the way I dress or the way I talk. If they have a problem with me then they can just FUCK off!! I don't need you to bring me down. I can do that just fine by myself. And for all of you that don't think that I am worthy of your love...well NEWSFLASH.... I don't need it...I Love myself, that is the only love that I need. I think I can be a great lover to someone. Im a hopeless romantic that loves unconditionally no matter what. I still love most of my Ex's. You see you don't lose love if you really had it, more just grows...I have a tremedously HUGE heart that I want and need to give to someone. I don't care if I get hurt in the end, so long as I was able to love someone and have them love me in return.

Ponder on this

I called, well IM ed into work today cuz i didn't want to go to work today. Actually I wish I didn't ever have to go back! I hate that place and don't want to work there. I email my old boss today and apologized for what happened last time will i worked there. Im hoping that it will be well received and they will consider me back. I want to go back to Colorado so bad, but at the same time, i want to travel the company....I hate life right now...

No one loves me except me. No one cares for me except me. Im am the only one that gives a shit about me. How Ironic